17.7 C
London
Wednesday, March 18, 2026
secret satire society
HomeWorldHow to Survive a Council Tower Block Fire

How to Survive a Council Tower Block Fire

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib knows that there are hundreds of these council tower block monstrosities across Britain, and some of them seem to have been 'upgraded' with cladding that acts like tinder when on fire.

ai —Ensure our latest news headlines always appear at the top of your Google Search by making us a Preferred Source. Click here to activate or add us as a Preferred Source in your Google search settings—

 

To survive a fire on one of these death trap high rise towers needs ingenuity, quick thinking and the willpower of an escape artist.

  1. Do not listen to any authority that tells you to stay in your flat. If the fire service or police tell you to stay in your flat so you can die a painful agonising death, ignore it all costs. At the first sign of smoke or fire, make your way to the nearest exit.
  2. If you live on the highest floors, during a fire you will be ignored. The fire service cannot reach that high. This is why you must either invest in a long metal rope ladder or a parachute. Better still invest in abseiling ropes, and do the necessary training.
  3. Invest in a gas mask as the tower block will fill up with deadly toxic smoke almost immediately. Gas masks are relatively inexpensive to buy and will save your life.
  4. Use your own smoke alarms, do not rely on anything from the authorities that manage the tower block.
  5. Do not rely on the stairs or lift of the tower block. Because of cost cutting, these areas should be sprayed with flame retardant materials but are not. Therefore in a fire, they will be most probably on fire.
  6. Esentual items for living in a council tower block: Gas masks, torches, fire retardent clothing, parachute, metal ladder, abseiling kit, fire extinguishers, axe, common sense.
  7. Never live in a death trap council tower block. This is the best way of saving your life.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.  
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  •  
    ai
    - Advertisment - proton vpn

    NEWS ON THE HOUR

    ai

    MORE NEWS

    THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

    The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

    KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH