How I Fell in Love With a TSA Screener

CHICAGO - USA - Sometimes love finds us in the strangest of places. This is a wonderfully poignant story about a man who fell in love with his TSA screener.

One minute you might be in a long winding queue waiting to be screened to get on a plane to California, the next minute, you could be getting an intimate massage from a woman in uniform that frankly got my fires burning.

My name’s Mike Fritz. I lost my wife in 1978 in a shed fire in Wichita, it was April and since that fateful day I have not remarried. Oh yes, there have been instances in my 82 years when I have consorted with some fine ladies at my local geriatric theatre club, but never anything serious. That is until last Wednesday when I met Judy, the TSA woman screening me. She had to step in when the brutish thug in charge had to go to the restroom. I was so very glad about that.

She had auburn hair and these startling blue eyes that pierced my very soul and my groin. I could hear a knocking sound, so I looked down and they were my knees knocking with excitement. The moment she ordered me to unzip my pants, I felt a tinge of pleasure that I had not felt for a very, very long time.

You could cut the atmosphere with a chainsaw, I didn’t know what to say as her delicate gloved hands touched my old buddy. Those viagra pills I had popped in the morning started to suddenly kick in. The look of awe on her face told me she was finding this interesting as well.

Judy may be younger than my tender years but I say love is timeless. We’re now dating on a regular basis and next year we’re going on a safari trip to Kenya. Her TSA pals have vowed to give us special treatment when we go through then, much like members of Congress and other important people are.

Remember, that if you feel lonely and unwanted this holiday. Get a ticket somewhere, anywhere. You never know what could happen. Maybe cupid will shoot a backscatter X-ray machine at you and your luck could change like mine did.