News coming from the bed bug community in New York is that they are bored of New Yorkers and have a strong desire to travel.
“Bed bug tourists“
Alfie Newhart, chief microbiologist and sanitation expert to the New York Mayoral office said: “We got a problem here in New York city. Like, the whole place is infested with bed bugs; but now we hear they want to branch out, maybe take a transatlantic flight here or there. We’re getting whispers down the grapevine that the bed bugs are frankly tired of taking a big bite out of the Big Apple. Put yourselves in their shoes. Once you’ve done New York, seen the sights, been up the Empire State, bitten the shit out of some poor bastards leg in the Ritz, what is there? It’s like, hey, we’re on the first class United Airlines flight out of here and maybe go to Europe for awhile. Check out our cousins in England, see the Houses of Parliament, maybe bite on some inbred Limeys ass for a change. Yankees are so frickin’ boring, they fumigate too much, they just don’t get bed bugs. The English though? Sheesh, they don’t even notice when a shed load of bugs are sucking the blood out of their ankles or the tax man taking away everything they ever owned.”
During a recent flight from New York’s JFK airport, about 2,000 bed bugs were seen transporting themselves on a passenger’s toupée onto the plane.
The New York authorities did not act because they were too busy itching from bed bug bites.
All over New York, millions of people are daily seen itching and scratching themselves in the streets, in the restaurants, cafes and cinemas. Some are now calling the bed bug phenomenon, the ‘New York shuffle’.