Le Garotte, in London’s Mayfair, is the best-rated restaurant at the moment and has scooped the top award in the culinary bible category this year.

Al-Shihri is one of a small number of chef de parties in the restaurant, a US food critic said. The critic spoke on condition of anonymity in order to discuss sensitive menu details.

Cooking up a storm

“He likes to f*cking cook up some great f*cking sauces and is one of the best f*cking sauciers we have ever f*cking well had. He cooks up a mean f*cking Roquefort Cream Sauce like no f*cking other. It’s as if he’s f*cking mixing up a motherf*cking semtex f*cking cocktail of riches that burst in your mouth with aromatic f*cking flavours that will have you f*cking salivating for f*cking more and f*cking more,” head chef at the restaurant Gordon Rammer says emphatically.


Marco Pierre Ponce, a rival head chef, ate at the restaurant last week and described the experience as “not f*cking bad, it was kind of f*cking tepid though. They brought out the daurade poêlée sur un lit de potiron au gingembre, émulsion à l’huile de pistache and I just f*cking spat on the plate swished it around a bit, then downed the lot in one f*cking go. Gordon’s restaurant is not like my restaurant. He’s a f*cking amateur. I taught him everything and he still can’t get it f*cking right. Silly little boy. As for his stupid ex-terrorist Guantanamo bay saucier. He’s still a f*cking terrorist in my eyes.”