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Club Gitmo to be Shutdown Orders Obama

GUANTANAMO BAY - Cuba - News that Barack Obama has ordered the closing of Club Gitmo has caused consternation and alarm amongst the guests.

The demure guests reclining on their day loungers in the plush Gitmo breakfast club are sipping their iced teas when an announcement comes over the tannoy “All guests and VIP members will be asked to vacate their rooms by the end of next week because of Barack Obama’s orders. Vacation is now officially over folks. We hope you have enjoyed your stay here at Club Gitmo”.


“I paid top dollar for this vacation and I’ll be damned if I’m turned out and shipped back to my goat herding job somewhere in Helmand province,” Abdul Rizah, a goat herder from Helmand Province in Afghanistan told Reuters.

Arbad Mejid Bakri was equally indignant on hearing the news: “I had a stake in the weekly shuffleboard tournament starting next week and now it’s going to be cancelled. I am so angry right now I could just blow up.”

Club Gitmo members enjoy daily activities like surfing, waterboarding, sailing, tennis and spa treatments. The gourmet food and buffet lunches are an exquisite part of Club Gitmo which will be missed by the guests who will go back to eating bits of gristle and bone in a dark cave somewhere in the Pakistani border regions.

The manageress for the Club Gitmo resort will also be sad to see her guests leave.

“This is an emotional moment for me and my staff. We have waited on hand and foot for our guests and given them any luxury they asked for. It has been a true pleasure to look after our guests at Club Gitmo,” a weepy manageress, Cindy England told Reuters.

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