17.7 C
London
Thursday, June 13, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldClub Gitmo to be Shutdown Orders Obama

Club Gitmo to be Shutdown Orders Obama

GUANTANAMO BAY - Cuba - News that Barack Obama has ordered the closing of Club Gitmo has caused consternation and alarm amongst the guests.

The demure guests reclining on their day loungers in the plush Gitmo breakfast club are sipping their iced teas when an announcement comes over the tannoy “All guests and VIP members will be asked to vacate their rooms by the end of next week because of Barack Obama’s orders. Vacation is now officially over folks. We hope you have enjoyed your stay here at Club Gitmo”.

“Gitmo-ization”

“I paid top dollar for this vacation and I’ll be damned if I’m turned out and shipped back to my goat herding job somewhere in Helmand province,” Abdul Rizah, a goat herder from Helmand Province in Afghanistan told Reuters.

Arbad Mejid Bakri was equally indignant on hearing the news: “I had a stake in the weekly shuffleboard tournament starting next week and now it’s going to be cancelled. I am so angry right now I could just blow up.”

Club Gitmo members enjoy daily activities like surfing, waterboarding, sailing, tennis and spa treatments. The gourmet food and buffet lunches are an exquisite part of Club Gitmo which will be missed by the guests who will go back to eating bits of gristle and bone in a dark cave somewhere in the Pakistani border regions.

The manageress for the Club Gitmo resort will also be sad to see her guests leave.

“This is an emotional moment for me and my staff. We have waited on hand and foot for our guests and given them any luxury they asked for. It has been a true pleasure to look after our guests at Club Gitmo,” a weepy manageress, Cindy England told Reuters.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »