The Adventures of Prince Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs

LONDON - England - Prince Harry is to be depicted in a new British Army recruitment book that will be released and published by Buckingham palace's own printing press.

The Labour initiative spearheaded by the Schools Minister, Ed Balls will expound the benefits of ethnic bio-diversity and cultural homogeneity within the British army.

The Royal family commissioned the book as part of the government initiative and were persuaded to make the book as a recruiting aid for “ethnics” within the British army.

By Royal Appointment

“We commissioned the piece to show how the British army is a diverse ethnic friendly playground where pakis, wogs and chinks can all work side by side. We’ve even got a few dagos, frogs, wops, kikes, rag-heads, paddies and taffy sheep shaggers as well as scotch bastards, krauts and niggers,” Harry’s commanding officer and real father, Major James Hewitt told a news conference on Saturday.

In the new book, the friendly prince visits his army pals and shows his leadership skills by referring to a brown skinned recruit as his “little paki friend”. When he is greeted by a Chinese recruit he starts singing “ching chong ching chong” and goes around with his eyes closed mimicking a Chinese “slit eye”. As for black recruits they are referred to as “wogs or niggers” as is the tradition in the British army. But it’s okay because the prince refers to himself as the “lovable kraut” because of his half German lineage.

“The prince is rather affectionate towards ‘darkies’ because his mum was rather partial to sleeping with Pakistani surgeons and Egyptian film producers amongst many. It is only natural that he feels a certain tenderness towards ‘ethnics’. I mean growing up in a family with Prince Philip in it. Who wouldn’t?” Major Hewitt added.

The Adventures of Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs will be released on February 12th 2009 Published by Windsor Books.