17.7 C
London
Thursday, April 25, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSportsMan Suddenly Becomes Superstitious Before Next England Game

Man Suddenly Becomes Superstitious Before Next England Game

ESSEX - England - An England fan has suddenly become very superstitious before the final Euro match against Italy.

Imagine, thinking that every action you do in a day could jinx the result for the Euro 2020 Finals with England and Italy.

Lee Monk, 27, from Essex was never superstitious before England managed to somehow get to the Euro finals.

“Is that a ladder? If I see anyone getting even close to crossing under it, I have to shout out to stop them! They could jinx England. I’ve also given all the mirrors in the house away. We don’t want any bad luck if one of them gets broke, innit!”

The other day, Mr. Monk saw his neighbour’s black cat walk across his lawn. He immediately closed his eyes and convinced himself it was never there, and proceeded to throw copious amounts of salt over his left shoulder.

As for walking on the pavement, Mr. Monk is terrified whenever he goes out that he might step on a crack and jinx England’s chances that way.

“I’m glad the England match is on Sunday 11th July, and it’s not on the 13th, or a Friday the 13th. I think that would jinx England too much, and I would be in a state of perpetual hell!”

Mr. Monk now walks around with a ‘lucky’ horse shoe around his neck and has his fingers permanently crossed until the final result on Sunday.

“I’ve even gone off spag bol mate! Used to be my fave, but recently can’t even stand the fuckin’ smell!”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »