Cardboard Cutouts to Fill Empty Olympic Seats

LONDON - England - Cardboard cutouts will be used to act as temporary placeholders in premium seating at Olympic events, as organisers attempt to avoid the spectacle of empty seats at venues.

The approach of filling venues with cardboard cutouts will make the empty stadiums look fuller than they really are, according to Olympic organisers

A spokeswoman for the London organizing committee said Sunday it had begun filling thousands of empty seats in accredited areas with cardboard cutouts.

“No one wants to watch a bunch of brainwashed men and women running around a track for hours on end or jumping into sand pits. This is why we’re having trouble with the frickin’ seats. They’d rather shave their eyes with rusty razors than watch that boring crap,” said Lewis Sebastians, secretary of the organizing committee.

Organisers will also pipe in audience cheering sounds to the events, otherwise there would be total silence during the athletic competitions.

“You’ve got to know when to press the right button. We’ve got one button for cheering and clapping successful athletes, one for losing athletes and another for just general crowd bustling sounds. The speakers are hidden behind the cardboard cutouts so no one will be the wiser,” the technician in charge of the audience audio told the BBC.