MIT Supercomputer Developed to Write Daily Squib Stories

MASSACHUSETTS - USA - Computer geek boffins at MIT have finally developed a computer that can write Daily Squib articles operating at 5 quadrillion operations a second.

MIT Professor Miles Ermhearst developed the supercomputer using state-of-the-art materials which took over fifteen years to develop.

“This is definitely not a Commodore 64, we’re talking major calculations that try to emulate the genius of the Squib. The AI is astounding, and we did our research by travelling to the Squib’s office in London to find out if we could replicate the AI. We did not find much intelligence there, but the pub run was great. Never been so drunk in my life.”

The amount of data crunched by the supercomputer is enormous, and unlike Daily Squib writers who usually write ideas on pieces of toilet paper or napkins, this computer does everything digitally without any unsightly stains.

“People don’t appreciate the time and effort it takes to produce a crappy satirical article on the internet. I mean you’ve got to play a game of pool, maybe some Playstation, have a drink then procrastinate for awhile longer. By that time, it’s time to go home and get bladdered with a takeaway curry and some tinnies. It’s a very delicate job. This computer replicates all of these elements and more,” Mr Ermhearst added.

The entire Daily Squib staff were sacked by text today and are now down the local doing what they do best.