17.7 C
Wednesday, July 24, 2024
secret satire society
HomeMost PopularBody Scanner Operator Caught Groping Self at Colorado Airport

Body Scanner Operator Caught Groping Self at Colorado Airport

DENVER - USA - A full body scanner operator was caught doing something nasty during a scanning session by airport staff late Tuesday.

Airport officials at Denver International airport were on high alert yesterday when a full body scanner operator was caught bating in his booth as a team of High School netball players went through the scanner.

“The young ladies were going through the scanner one by one, and every time one went through, this guys face was getting redder and redder. His hand was moving and then he started sweating. He was then seen doing his ‘O’ face. That’s when the security dragged him out of his booth and cuffed him. He had his pants round his ankles and everybody was really disgusted,” Jeb Rather, a passenger on a flight to New York told CBS news.

The controversial scanners display every minute detail of a person’s body and have been called intrusive by privacy campaigners. Body scanners penetrate clothing to provide a highly detailed image so accurate that critics have likened it to a naughty movie. Technologies vary, with millimeter wave systems capturing highly detailed pictures of genitals, and backscatter X-ray machines able to show precise anatomical detail. The U.S. government likes the idea because body scanners can detect concealed weapons better than traditional magnetometers.

“What do you want to do, get blown up by a goddamn Arab at 30,000 feet or we get to see your private parts? It’s up to you, the ball’s in your park,” head of the TSA’s scanning department, Rodney Schroeder, told CNN.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


  1. Do I want to get blown-up by a %#&@ Arab at 30,000 feet? Or let TSA see my private parts? Hmm. Let me think. With the new TSA pat-downs about to get more intimate (Mar 8, 2017) I think I’ll switch to flying Space-A since I can.

  2. TSA checkpoints really get me hot. Going through LAX this girl she patted me down and we made eye contact just as she put her hand down my pants. My pussy was so wet afterwards that I had to go to the Delta toilets to finish myself off. She had cute dimples and gave me a smile afterwards. TSA rocks.

  3. I enjoy TSA searches it turns me on. I had one guy touch my junk and it got me really erect. I think he was gay too because he smiled at me and licked his lips. Dang everybody should go TSA I wish got his number he was a real cutie to.

  4. Rodney Schroeder, I'm part Arab you ignorant bigoted biased (I almost said POS), and I'm 100% American. My cousin won the Congressional Medal of Honor as a Lebanese-American, who saved his platoon and died while doing so. He was an Arab too. You need to go back to school and fix this ignorant attitude. Anyone can be a terrorist unfortunately. It's not confined to Arabs. Ask the Oklahoma bombers, Tim McVeigh, if they're Arab's.

  5. YOUNGH Children can be patted down === but NOT IN THE OPEN like this.
    AND MUST at all times have their parents around!!!

    Not out in the open like TSA is doing now.

  6. reading stuff like this makes me ill where does it end? I would of grabbed that tsa asshole and cut his balls off.

    when good men do nothing while evil men do shit that is when shit gets bad makes me fuckin sick to the core

  7. a kind of shame ful act on the part of the so called security forces . these condemned criminals must be teached lessons

  8. Im I the only one grossed out when officers at the airport send you to the scanner then everybody starts looking at each other with their weirdo smiles? i've seen them laughing at fat people and female officers giving me a dirty look after. Its just an unfair machine…they should be naked while inspection too, that will be fair…

  9. your ignorant US pride make me sick. You must think also its ok war, arizona law after immigrants and middle east people discrimination. im pretty sure you NEVER travel thats why you dont care about the effing scanner. you should read and travel more instead of keep consuming what TV tells you to think. asshole

  10. Let's weigh this bizarre wager properly. There is a less than one-in-a-million chance of a bomb exploding on my plane. Frankly, there are no bonus points for bombing planes; it is just as effective to explode the bomb among the crowd milling around the porno-scanners.

    On the other side, the pervs manning the porno-scanners are 100% certain to get their eyes full of luscious young gals or guys in the nude, depending on their preferences. It's easy to see why they want to keep the scanners.

    Lastly, of course, Rapiscan makes big bucks selling these pornoscopes.

  11. Not all of the airports full body scanners are in use. People have about four options when it comes to flying 1) get the pat down 2) walk through the old scanners 3) go through the new body scanner or 4)do not fly at all. It's not that complicated no one is being forced to fly people are simply choosing to fly knowing they are going to be searched. I can almost guarantee that if a kid were to not receive the proper search and were sent on a plane with a bomb strapped to them people would be in an uproar trying to figure out what happened. People need to also realize that it's not only Muslim people who are terrorist but people who are natural born citizens of the USA that are as well. It's unfortunate that would happened during 9/11 was a horrific thing for America and because of it these are the things put into place to make sure it doesn't happen again. Just remember that it was Benjamin Franklin who said "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." If you are not happy with how things are going in this country do something about it before it becomes to late.

  12. 90% of us are slated for slaughter. Damn straight your going to fight it because the only other option is slavery and we have nothing to loss except our humanity if we don't.
    DO NOT COMPLY! There is nothing for us down that road!

  13. I think the TSA are great and their doing a great job to keep Americans safe ftom terrorism. Are you guys trying to tell me that no one masturbates in other professions? I heard lawyers, doctors and politicians all masturbate, even judges masturbate heck everyones jacking off. So one TSA got caught that don't mean all TSA are bad. Their protecting you folk from bad people who want to kill you, now I'm gonna side with the TSA on this one. Forgive and forget their only human.

  14. Why do average citizens have to be humiliated for the sake of not offending these demon worshipping muslims…. why not drop a hydrogen bomb on mecca and be done with it??

  15. Ummm… He wasn't the one who said anything was right or wrong. You're being hypocritical for attacking him when he isn't even the one who made the claim. Maybe you should reevaluate what you said and try to add to the argument 🙂

    I personally don't see a problem with the pat down either. While I can understand why you might get upset. What's going to happen if we say "No 6 year olds can be pat down." People who are wanting to attempt criminal acts will just abduct/use a small child to carry their weapons, without the worry of them being pat down.

  16. In response to Francis- ain't? Really go back to school you redneck. If your not from the south then maybe you should live there cause you would fit right in.

  17. doing it for a reason? what you mean because of all the child suicide bombers we've already seen? the only reason this is the future is because the US has pissed the rest of the world off, and now we have to be treated like criminals just for getting on a glorified bus.

    • It is this way for a reason, but far from your conclusion. The US is one of the youngest countries and these people have been doing this since Jesus walked the earth. Keep learning. TSA has no effect on our safety or lack of it. It is a big act. It is an illusion to keep the sheep quieted.

  18. Get used to this people, because they're doing this to the children for a reason. This is their future now and they will accept being scanned and searched like that all the time. So the tsa is getting them used to it. The new authoritarian government that will come in after the riots finish. This is the future so accept it.

  19. Your an asshole for writing that who gives you the right to be judge of what's right or wrong?

  20. With all due respect I watched your video and I see nothing wrong with the treatment of the little girl. She was treated with respect and kindly by the tSA agent and there is no reason for the commotion about this small incident. It's people like you who go around the internet spreading your panic and whining like a pussy. Yes, I said that, I said pussy. Stop whining your little self. Go cry in the corner. The TSA agen did her job good, and may she keep doing her job, to protect U.S. citizens from harm. God Bless America.

  21. this is what happens, no mystery. its very naive to believe that you can trust anyone, esp powersucking parasites like governments. make this shit disappear, its very humiliating and makes everyone a terrorist until proven wrong.

  22. My gf says she fantasizes about being touched in her intimate areas by a stranger. Now she keeps asking if we can go on trips all over the place so that TSA people can touch her parts. What can I do? This is prove that she does not love me. I was going to ask for her engagement this summer. I feel like these TSA checkers stole my GF.

  23. I don't believe you, it's obvious this is a liberal thread. I agree with the guy who said this is a time of war, so grow some balls

  24. there is no reason to have such detailed scaner. They can come up with devices that could trace any weapon..stop generalizing the muslims,jews christian etc…its the extremist who are terrorist n religion do not advocate terrorism. all religion promote peace and only man in nature add evil to his actions. There is a limit to invding privacy…if that is the case we should go back to stone age n were no clothes…

  25. I don't want to get into the nuts-and-bolts of the legal jargon involved in this, but if I understand your 4th amendment [in very loosely generic terms], it seems to say that you cannot be arrested/detained and searched for no reason. In other words, your average highway patrol officer can't pull you over if you're not breaking any laws and do a strip-search on you, "just because". Is that [generally] about right? Now… these scanner gizmos at the airport are there to "search" you to ensure you don't smuggle weapons or explosives or contraband or whatever on to the aircraft. The difference between the two scenarios is you CHOOSE to go on the aircraft… you're not being forced to take a plane. If you choose to use a different mode of transportation, then you don't get scanned. The scanner or enhanced pat-down is a condition of using the facilities, if you don't agree with the conditions, then you can't use the facilities. If I were an airline owner, I'd *want* you to use the scanner or be patted down, so you don't do something to *my* plane!

  26. Hey bozo last time I heard we were at war. There ain't no 4th ammendment for that. Those outdated laws don't mean nothing now anyway.

  27. thats all you would do? i would castrate the mother fucker and then shove his cock up his own ass and super glue it shut

  28. hey i was at nyc athe wtc too on 9-11-2001 i used to be a firefighter in philly, and when me and my fellow firefighters and emts saw what happened we packed our gear and went to nyc on the way we heard about the second plane, i was in the rubble searching for bodies, i clearly remember the smell of cordite and det-cord i also clearly remember gmen telling us we werent allowed to search for people in certian areas which was strange, either a) they were hididng somthing that was there in the building or …. nope thats about it, wether it was somthign sotred there that they didnt want the public to know about or if it was proof of a false flag attack i dont know, but the fact the stoped us from looking and possibly saving some one is unexcusable

  29. are you stupid ,its a violation of the 4th amendment to the u.s. constitution, due process reguarding search and seziure, then need a warrent to search you your house your papaers or your personal effects, no warrent no search its that simple, this is taking away our freedoms and our rights,

  30. I think it is good that we are all checked at TSA checkpoints. Remember that they are doing this so that we can keep our Freedoms not to take them away.For all those who don't like it, why not just take the Greyhound or Amtrak? You can also drive or take a sail boat ot wherever you wanna go,
    Some people just have no pleasing. Just like the TSA man says do you wanna get blown up at 30,000 feet by a towelhead maniac? NO! I don't and neither shld you!!!!

  31. you poor thing. You've obviously been brainwashed. Just relax, go home, turn on jersey shore and smoke a cigarette

  32. I got a solution to all of ours problems so we won't ever have to go through any checkpoints or scanners ever again.

    Turn the Mideast into a glass factory so that you could see the crater from space. Seriously if we nuked the whole of the ME we would have no probs anymore.

    Anyone else got a better idea i'm waiting for your answer?

  33. Jared Loughner is a message to everyone that we need more checkpoints. If there was a checkpoint and scanner at the event where congresswoman Giffords was shot in the head she would have been safe right now and all those ppl would be alive today.

  34. All you freaks make me sick. You don't realize that we're being attacked daily by islam and evil hate cults!!!

    Me and my family went through a TSA checkpoint with no probs, ok they touched us up a lil but they were just doing their job, I don't see the problem.

    If you don't like it go and live in Iraq and Iran or some other islamic shit hole country. See how ya like your libertys then?

    We're in a time of war so act like you got some balls fu**ers.

  35. First off, I want to assert that on Sept 11, 2001 I was at ground zero as a provider. Nothing that happened that day justifies the facist methods used by the Transportation Security Administration as sanctioned by our government and it subversion of the constitution. ONAMA winds because our republic is dieing from within.

  36. Funny thing is muslims and arabs aren't terrorest. Terrorest are terrorest its said I'm only 24 and I seem to have a better out look than you bunch of old ignorant rednecks. And alred americans are terrorest too

  37. I have no words that you would understand as to why your statement is so many times ignorant, that two year old's weep at your stupidity. You sir, alred, if that is your real name, are an ass own it. Go lock yourself in some dungeon somewhere where you can make a generalized statement that condemns a whole people, when really only a group is to blame. If I were to spell like you I would tell you to go fukk yourself, but I don't so go fuck yourself.

  38. Hey all you stupid whiners. When they turn off the engines on the runways, I bet the sound of your whining still goes on…

    What's the problem? If it wasnt for the muslims and their stinking religion of hate you wouldn;t have to have your crotch checked. Their the ones you all should be angry with not the TSA.


  39. I just tried masturbating to that pic and couldn’t do it…These TSA assclowns must be real desperate huh?

  40. The tsa is the beginning. U c ppl if u accept the tsa doing what theyr doing then theyll go to the next level and then the next level above that. How much more r u gonna take?

    they’re just testing the waters 2 c how much yall can take..

    wait a while longer and noones gonna be complaining, theyll just accept what the tsa is doing as normal…

    thats when they bring in the next test

  41. You ppl are fuckn insane? Can’t you see that they’re closing down our borders slowly?

    Soon we’ll need special permits to travel anywhere and they will be giving us ration cards.

    Anyone who sleeps through this is a moron. I know this article is tongue in cheek but it serves up a very serious problem. Don’t be a coward, fight for your rights.

  42. Not everyone is against the groping. As a gay man, I enjoyed the TSA agent touching my crotch at SeaTac. I fought real hard not to get a boner and we made eye contact too when he was touching my cock. I’m going to be flying a lot more often from now on.

  43. Obama wants to punish the people cuz we rejected him. That’s my theory that why they brought these TSA monsters out into the open to molest everyone.

  44. Heavens forbid we should get blown up by those God Damn Arabs as Rodney Schroeder stated.

    Funny thing is Timothy McViegh didn’t look like an arab?
    Oh that’s right….he was a WHITE AMERCIAN. Does Rodney know David Duke?

    I think Rodney must have gone through that scanner one too many times to be able state such an incredibily ignorant, disgusting comment. He should be fired.

  45. Anyone who accepts being groped by a TSA agent is a subjugated fool.

    Wake up you sheep, you are nothing but cattle to be herded and groped by the big bad wolf.

    This is not some tin-pot conspiracy theory this happening right now.

    WAKE UP!

  46. hey, to anyone that slanders a current president based on what the previous agenda makers put in place while the old one was raping your freedoms… wake up.
    did you actually graduate into the realm of reality or are you just spouting some hand me down puritan holier than my fellow countrymen rhetoric? Our great nation is being run by egalitarian business persons that are in the hire by the United States to provide a service… they do not have to comply with Constitutional Rights and certainly do not answer to them.. the TSA is one of those hired goon companies created to instill fear and complacentcy from the populace at large… the IRS and the Federal Reserve also are such entities… they aren’t in the fabric of government conscript in the slightest except they provide a

  47. This is ridiculous if I fly to Hawaii why should I have to have my balls groped by some lug? No one in their right mind should have to go through the indignity of that just so that they can fly in an airplane. Motherfuckers need to get a life. I don’t see the people agreeing to this shit, what kind of person would even do a job like that? You got to be deranged or sick in the head. They employ these people from prisons their sexual diviant s and perverts. TSA has gotta major problem and that’s folks like me who refuse to fly until they cut this shit out and getting back to treating us like humans again.

  48. Someone must have taken a picture of the dude jerking his wad?

    C’mon, it aint like I want to see it but for prosecuting the asswipe.

    I once caught my coworker jacking off, we were working in D*****s. He said it was for a cute chick he liked he put it right in the pizza.

  49. I hate this TSA body scanner thing, but I call BS on this article. First, it’s general, carefully not naming TSA. Second, it says security took the guy away with his pants down by his ankles. Really? Can you honestly see that happening–that in the middle of an airport some guy would have been dragged around with his pants down? Riiight.
    Also, security caught him? What does that mean exactly? I thought the TSA WAS security. Was it some other agency? Wouldn’t it have been the police.
    It also omits to say how the guy got caught. There’s a whole omitted bit of time and event there. What happened?
    Lastly, search http://www.cbsnews.com for masturbating and you’ll find plenty of articles. But nothing about this event.
    The world has enough madness going on without this kind of

  50. There’s no reason to believe that this will ever go away from our airports. It is the slow tiptoe towards tyranny.

    They want this because they know the sheeple will accept it without question.

    The sheeple will accept being checked like this because they are conditioned to accept it.

  51. When the spirit of liberty, which now animates our hearts and gives success to our arms, is extinct, our numbers will accelerate our ruin and render us easier victims to tyranny. If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude than the animating contest of freedom—go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. ~ Samuel Adams August 1, 1776

  52. The TSA are perverts and I am ashamed to live in America.

    Seriously thinking of moving my family to Canada now.

  53. Exactly what civil liberty is bring infringed upon? Last I checked no one was forcing anyone to fly. You guys need to revisit civil liberties and also what they entail. That said- don’t fucking fly. Since I prefer to survive my flight and have nothing to hide, I will deal with the added security. GTFO my airports complainers, you’re wasting my time.

  54. we don’t have a country anymore.

    My granpa fought in the big war for nothing. If I want to live in Soviet fucking Russia i’ll go and live there.

    Too much

  55. Get the fuck outta here. You people are crazy, why fly when you can drive?

    I drive everywhere now and i aint flown in years.

    They can’t touch my frank and beans then and its much better trvelling.

    Try to take a train too thats another great way to travel.

    Stop whining and get out of the airports plus hey its safer too

  56. There are very few readable opinions on this board. If you want your opinion to be taken seriously learn to spell, match your verb-noun numbers (no more they is) and put your thought down in a cohesive way.

    Back to the topic, I actually think I would rather see a few more planes blow up (even with me on one) than to see all our civil liberties get taken away by illegal/unconstitutional personal searches without probable cause being determined.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!