Protein and Carbohydrates as Bad as Smoking

LONDON - England - Eating protein or carbohydrates are deadly and can bring the onset of early death fast, says a new medical report.

Eating a diet of protein and carbohydrates are as bad as smoking, yet another pseudo science study being spread across the media reveals.

“In fact if you eat any form of food, you will die and it is equivalent to smoking three packs of cigarettes per day,” professor of health sciences, Dr. David Fenster writes in the paper.

The daily recommended intake has now been revised to a handful of bird seed, freshly picked grass from the garden and sawdust. Water is permissible, but has to be lukewarm and laced with fluoride to keep you compliant.

Here is an example of a daily menu endorsed by the new research report.

Breakfast: 12 seeds, small cup of lukewarm water, plenty of sunlight if you can get it.

Lunch: 5 birdseeds, some finely chopped grass and half a small cup of lukewarm water

High Tea: Grass tea with a birdseed scone

Dinner: Birdseed salad with lukewarm water marinade no grass. For dessert, a whole piece of garlic sprinkled with sawdust