Aspartame Drip Can Reduce Sugar Cravings

TEXAS - USA - Health researchers at the Donald Rumsfeld Drug Research Institute have come up with a solution to the growing obesity problem in America.

“Everyone who has a constant aspartame drip administering high dosage levels at all times will not have any problems with sugar cravings,” Doctor Arnold Kovalic, told NBC news about the new program.

According th the medical journal in which the new treatment was published, the aspartame drips will be portable and able to be transported with the patient wherever they go.

“As long as you don’t take it down a water slide you should be OK but there are some people who could not handle going down a water slide without craving a bucketful of glazed donuts,” Dr Kovalic added.

The Department of Health has already put in an order for millions of the drips and soon America could be overflowing with people walking around dragging a drip.

“You ever seen Day of the Walking Dead? That’s what it will be like. You got these fat obese people ambling around with vacant looks in their eyes, a drip in one arm and a  cell phone in the other clicking away. This is modern America folks, get used to it,” a critic of the aspartame treatment told Reuters news agency.

Currently low doses of aspartame used in most foods in America are a major cause of cancer.