Shaken But Not Stirred – Angela Merkel Inspires New Cocktail

BERLIN - Germany - Chancellor Angela Merkel's shaking bonanza the other day has inspired a local bar owner to create a cocktail named after the Chancellor.

German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, who looked visibly shaken at a recent meeting with Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy in Berlin, apparently was rather parched, and was thankfully cured of her shakes later by downing a few cocktails.

German businessman, Gerhardt Mueller, who owns a string of cocktail bars in Berlin’s redmerkel cocktail light district, kurfürstenstraße, was inspired by Chancellor Merkel’s brief dance, and has created his own cocktail to commemorate the moment.

“Himmel! I was shaking a cocktail at the time when I looked upon the TV and saw Merkie doing her shake dance. I immediately banged my head on the bar counter, and a big light bulb jumped into my head. Knall! This new cocktail has been selling faster than Jean Claude Juncker can drink a jug of cognac, and that’s saying something.”

So, what’s this new Merkel inspired cocktail called and how is it made?

Mr. Mueller says the cocktail is called “Der Merkel Sexwalzer”, loosely translated as “The Merkel Sex Waltz”.

The ingredients for the cocktail have been patented for exclusive use only in his bars, but Mr. Mueller did reveal the main ingredients are vinegar, 20 tablespoons of salt, 15 spoonfuls of chilli powder, sauerkraut juice, beef broth, and a smidgeon of Brussels Sprouts Schnapps amongst other secret ingredients.

The amazing effect the cocktail has on anyone who drinks it is one that astounds many in the bar.

“Firsten it startenzie with ein small burpen. Then the victim goes purple, changen colour to green, before the shaking von begins. They shout ‘Achtung!’ Usually ein zie the victim will shaken for two hours non stoppen. After ein two hours they will droppen zie on the floor and go to long sleep! Jah!” one bar reveller revealed.