Socialite Tara Palmer Tomkinson Finally Gets the Nose She Always Wanted

LONDON - England - After snorting £400 of cocaine up her nose everyday, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson has finally got the nose she was working so hard to get.

“I worked hard for this look. Daddy’s money paid for me to have this squashed monstrosity on my face. Forget about years of plastic surgery – just snort loads of coke, and you too could have a honker like mine,” Ms Tomkinson said from her luxury apartment on London’s, King’s Road.

The 39-year-old socialite is so proud of her nose that she is going to travel to Peru next month to be honoured by the Peruvian Minister of Cocaine, for her services to Peru’s economy.

Speaking from the Capital city of Lima, Roberto Pizarro, the Minister of Cocaine, said: “Miss Tara has an exquisite nose and it is a testament to our primary national product. She has been invited to our grateful country as an honourary guest.”

Hollywood actor, Mickey Rourke, has also praised the socialite on her cultivated look: “She looks even more fucked up than me, and that’s saying something.”