17.7 C
Monday, February 26, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentBonnie Tyler to be Resurrected From the Dead For Total Eclipse

Bonnie Tyler to be Resurrected From the Dead For Total Eclipse

FLORIDA - USA - Eighties pop starlet, Bonnie Tyler, who can literally make paint peel with her voice, has been recruited to sing on a Caribbean cruise ship for the total eclipse which will take place on August 21.

buy squib book

Raised from the vaults of guilty pleasure listening enthusiasts around the world, the zombified toe curling voice of Bonnie Tyler is to address the celestial skies.

“She’s not only been dug up from a long stasis since 1983, but many of the walking dead who inhabit the ship’s decks will also awaken momentarily when she sings to the moon on the 21st,” the ship’s captain, Roger Stuping told the Florida Times.

Indeed, amongst the rotting corpses of fat rich Americans and terminally greyed zombies who make up the ship’s clientele, the sound of a warbling Bonnie, screaming away may even give some of them a mortal zing in their pacemakers.

“Last time I saw Bonnie Tyler, was in 1983, I was watching MTV when she came on the screen. I’ve never seen a cat curl up and die in front of me before,” one music fan revealed.

Astronomers however are fearful that Bonnie Tyler’s singing could cause grave events up in the heavens.

Professor Donald Eastwick, a renowned astronomer, revealed that Tyler could cause a “rift in the time continuum plasma shift index with her high frequency sine waves causing the moon to shift its gravitational matrix field and shoot into space like a wayward billiard ball”.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »