Exclusive Footage of Amy Winehouse Rehearsing in St Lucia Released

GARRAND - St Lucia - Famous pop starlet Amy Winehouse, who now owns a luxury home on the Caribbean island, has released exclusive snippets of her rehearsing for her upcoming new album.

The Daily Squib was the only newspaper to be given sole access to Amy Winehouse’s rehearsals before her new upcoming album is finally released in 2017 at the earliest.

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The Back in Black and Rehab artist gave our reporter exclusive access to her mansion house purchased earlier on in the year and situated deep in the hills of St Lucia.

According to her manager and producer for the album, Amy has worked very hard on the new album and has taken great care in creating the right atmosphere for the recording.

“We flew in some dregs from Camden, her old friends and shysters like that. We then recreated, to a ‘T’, her old Camden flat. You name it, we’ve got crack pipes, used toilet paper and bubble gum. Amy even had us fly in her original spittoon because the amount of stuff that she coughs up is so bloody enormous we had to then substitute it with a f*cking bucket. Ronson couldn’t come because he was too busy in the studio back in London piecing together another one of his blatant rip-off tracks. We even tried guest starring Doherty but no one knows where he is, in fact I don’t think anyone cares anymore either. His star flew a long time ago if you know what I mean.”

Amy Winehouse shows off some amazing dance routines which she wants to use in her live concerts from now on

While we were at her luxury villa, Winehouse treated us to a rendition of her new song about projectile vomiting for four days solid whilst trying to get her next fix and avoiding her dad. I ask her if this really happened. She says yes and demonstrates her technique by projectile vomiting a green liquid at her long suffering maid who is squatting in the corner of the room trembling. The track had a very good bass groove and a reggae dub feel about it that had me and the crew all tapping our feet.

Last week some suits were in town trying to get Amy to finish the album so that they can make better use of the cross-collateralization clause embedded in her contract. According to witnesses, the meeting didn’t go down very well, especially when Amy decided to beat one of the executives over the head with one of her ballet pumps when he told her that she had to pay for her debts somehow.

Anyway, it’s not all bad news, the new album is set to be a sto(i)nker and after listening to the first song I know that she’s made good once again. Looks like Ms Winehouse will be enjoying the fruits of her labour soon enough when the album is completed in a few years.

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