17.7 C
London
Saturday, May 18, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessCameron: "The Economy is Doing So Great We Have to Raid Your...

Cameron: “The Economy is Doing So Great We Have to Raid Your Bank Account”

LONDON - England - Prime Minister, David Cameron, has revealed government plans to raid private bank accounts.

David Cameron this week revealed the great news that the UK’s economy is doing so well that the government needs to go into peoples’ bank accounts and raid them.

“Yes, the economy is shooting upwards every day. Our deficit is still £1.3 Trillion and rising daily with vast benefits, NHS bills. We hope you don’t mind that we have to go into your bank accounts and take out whatever money is left there after you’ve already paid the massive tax bills in this country,” Cameron was quoted as saying in the New Telegraph newspaper.

Taxation in Britain is amongst the highest in the world, that is unless you are a multi-billionaire or corporation who can do special deals with HMRC. With fuel tax at 85% of the price of petrol, fuel duty in the UK is an enormous revenue spinner for the government, and yet it feels the need to introduce draconian laws allowing raids on private bank accounts. Where is all the money going, you may ask?

Orville Melchard, 53, a businessman from East Sussex said: “They keep talking about entrepreneurs, however it is nigh on impossible to start a business in the UK with the inhibitive taxation system that punishes innovation. Success in Britain, is something that one can only achieve by hiding your money under a mattress.”

There is some good news though, Take That, the insipid banal boy band are now being lumped with a £30 million tax bill for utilising tax avoidance schemes. This news alone, is worth its weight in gold, so there is always a silver lining to any mucky cloud.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »