Top NSA business analyst Larrs Utrecht, has got some great news for anyone who is in the dark about what to buy and sell at the moment.
“Let’s just say a few chosen individuals get emails in the morning about what to buy and sell. I’m going to give you guys some NSA stock tips that are guaranteed to make you a lot of money. I mean what’s the point in having a stock market if you don’t have access to all the secret company info, emails, phone calls and executive news before anyone else does? We’re listening all the time, not only in the U.S. but across the world. We know what every company director is doing, we can see everything, we know what they’re thinking, we know their plans.”
Best buys for the week
1) ALCO Buy this at $12.60 Monday first thing. I was listening to the CEO talking on the phone last week, they’ve been sitting on some great news about a new product they’re bringing out to be announced on Tuesday.
2) DELFI They struck major oil in Guatemala two weeks ago. They’re going to announce it on Tuesday. That’s why you have to fill your boots on Monday. Re-mortgage the house if you have to.
3) JLFK The board will be announcing the resignation of one of the directors who has been bad for the company. Expect a spike up, from the chatter we’re seeing it should go up to $34 by Wednesday.
Top sellers for the week
1) OPSD Three days ago I was looking through the CEOs private encrypted emails and saw something very drastic. This stock has had a great run up to $67 but on Wednesday journalists are going to publish something pretty bad. Target for this stock is $14 so get your shorts off for this one, and jump in the pool — of money you will make.
2) GKXO Currently at $124 this company is in serious trouble according to our men looking through their hard disks. Prepare to sell all the way down the cliff but make sure the sell orders occur before Thursday when they make that announcement.