“This is a great new product in the famous Tesco Value range, that everyone seems to love so much. All you have to do is go to an aisle, pick up a broom and start sweeping the floors for 12 hours straight with no f*cking pay or break. We then tell you to go and clean the toilets, and collect 300 odd trolleys from the car park before you are allowed to go home. Don’t forget to come in the next day and complete the whole process all over again,” a senior manager at Tesco’s head office in Cheshunt told the Daily Mail.
The new Tesco Value Jobseeker’s Allowance is getting Britain moving again according to a government initiative at the Department of Work and Pensions and Tesco superstores.
“We are seeking to engender a work ethic amongst the people of Britain by making them work long hours with no pay and no hope of ever getting a promotion. This is the future for Britain’s unemployed people, who have no hope of ever getting employed to do a paid job. Remember this you idle little shits, you have to work without pay to keep your Job Seekers Allowance, and just think, every time you put a tin can of processed crap onto our shelves, you are enriching our shareholders and board of directors, never f*cking forget that. Every little helps, and slave labour helps a lot,” Tony Mucker, Chief executive of Tesco told BBC reporters before getting into his Maserati, chuckling like a hyena, and speeding out of the Tesco head office’s car park.