The Queen 'Speaking With a Polish Accent' Says Mirren Ahead of New Role as Monarch

A tub of sauerkraut please.

LONDON – England – Actress Dame Helen Mirren, who has announced she will return to play the Queen in a new West End play, has remarked that the monarch's English accent now has a decidedly Eastern European Polish tinge to it.

“I’m not saying she sounds like the meerkat but she has acquired some slight Slavic tones to her English, this is possibly due to the millions of Eastern Europeans who were granted entry to the UK by the former Labour government and EU opening of all borders in 2003. The massive influx has sadly affected our Queen who has ditched her royal English tones for a more European accent,” Dame Mirren told the Daily Mail.

The play will be based in a Polski Sklep (Polish Shop) in Neasden, North West London, where the Queen will visit and get one of her courtiers to buy a bag of groceries to take home to the palace.

Dame Helen Mirren will play the Queen who discovers the culinary delights of Polish cuisine and introduces it to everyone at the palace.

The play is based on real life incidents at Buckingham palace recently. Royal watchers realised something had gone very wrong last month when the Queen and Prince Philip started ordering Zupa ogórkowa (sour, salted cucumbers) and Biały barszcz (sauerkraut and pork broth with cubed boiled pork, ham, a hard boiled egg, and dried pork tripe sticks) for a recent banquet with the visiting Australian Prime Minister. They then washed the lot down with Czernina (duck blood soup) for an altogether gory finale.

Helen Mirren, who is in fact Russian herself, has taken to the role like a duck to water.

“One must understand that the Windsors are actually the Saxe-Coburg Gothas from Germany, so it is only natural that the Queen likes to flit around with her accent. We are all part of a wonderful mix here in England, and it is thus a good excuse to appreciate our culural mixing pot,” Ms Mirren added.

  • ralph

    loved her in Caligula! oy vey