New Eco Car Runs On Coal

"Fill 'er up please."

BOSTON – USA – A new breed of coal powered eco cars could be running on the roads soon according to a new Massachusetts company.

“Forget about lithium batteries and electricity, coal power is where it’s at. It’s cheap, efficient and even though there is a little smoke, it’s no big deal,” Erik Marchioness, CEO for e-Coal Systems LLC. told Wired magazine in a recent interview.

According to Mr Marchioness, the year 2020 will be full of coal powered cars trundling down America’s freeways puffing away into the sky.

“Forget about oil, look at coal, it’s cheap, we got tonnes of it and you can achieve a top speed of 45 miles per hour with it. Heck, if you put more in the burner, you can achieve 60 mph going downhill. This is the future because oil is gone, it’s outta here. Forget about dealing with the Arabs, once their oil is gone they’re going to go back to sheep herding, because there will be nothing left for them. The years 2020-30 will be a crucial decade when we as humanity make some pretty scary decisions. Do we want to be powered by the oily stuff, or really expensive fuel cells, or coal? I say coal, and I know humanity will embrace coal so that we can finally say goodbye to oil dependency,” the CEO added.

Prototypes of the coal powered vehicles have already been published and it seems each coal powered vehicle will have it’s own coal truck and water tank. Running costs will be reduced by as much as 80%, and even though running a horse and cart would be cheaper still, at least coal powered vehicles will be able to achieve relatively high speeds, although cornering on tight bends in the road will be more dangerous when hauling a coal truck, or going up hill.

“These vehicles are essentially steam powered by coal. You can imagine what a Monday morning commute will be like, you will be lucky to see the f*cking road and go into work with a black face. Do we really want more polluting hunks of metal clogging up our roads even more? No, and I say to Mr Marchioness, you sir are a prize idiot. What else are you going to propose, steam powered submarines?” a critic of e-Coal Systems told a US government sponsored meeting on eco vehicles of the future.

The debate is on, are coal powered vehicles really the future after world oil reserves have finally be depleted. These are exciting times ahead.

  • Mr. L. U. Dite

    This is very bad news for the oil industry, this new technology will put thousands of oil workers out of a job, down with coal cars!