Castrato Bond Theme Used to Curdle Cheese in Factory

cheese

Sam Smith's Bond theme is used to curdle cheese in a factory in Genoa, Italy

GENOA – Italy – A factory is using the latest James Bond theme music to curdle cheese its proprietor Giuseppe Scaramanga, told RAI Uno.

“We getta this musica and put it on in the factory. The milk┬ácurdle nearly immediato maka fasta formaggio. Belissimo productione multiplo!”

What happened to James Bond, like the real secret agent, and what happened to the theme music of this tiring clinical moribund Cubbiless franchise?

Ah, but James Bond is moving with the times you say, so why the fuck did the producers choose a theme tune for the latest Bond flick that literally curdles cheese?

“We chose this singer and Bond theme tune because there is nothing in the musical sphere of x-factor led artistes of note any more and this sort of effete autotuned bilge is all that’s left. There is no more Barry or Martin or Bassey, just mediocre shite left in this world, watered down bilge, not even worth wiping your arse with. Since Cubby bought the farm, Bond has faltered, lost his sense of humour and become a vehicle for simple soulless action-led Mission Impossible politically correct remakes with a minor British slant and much deserved crap music,” one of the new producers for the latest Bond film said off camera.

Here’s to many more Bond films that we will never see.

  • Jacko

    Why is a castrated male singing a James Bond film theme.. I don’t get it..

  • K.C

    You don’t curdle cheese you idiots. You curdle milk. Get it right!