Jim Rumples, 38, can’t wait to get stuck in to his wife after his early prison release thanks to the Labour Party policies of releasing dangerous criminals, rapists, and paedophiles from prison early.
“I can’t wait to smack my bitch up again. I’ve been dreaming about this day. I was in my cell playing my PS5 and smoking a joint when the warden said I could go free. Fuckin’ hell, my desire to punch my missus in the face and throw her around the room immediately gave me a rock-hard erection.”
Rumples was imprisoned for multiple instances of battery and grievous bodily harm against women, and he now vows to vote Labour in the upcoming election.
“I’m voting for Labour for releasing me early. The wife has abused woman syndrome; she’ll take me in again, and after 5 minutes of luvvy dovey stuff, it will be smack time. I’m going to batter her till the fillings fall out of her fuckin’ mouth, innit!”
Thanks to Labour and its early prison release, the streets are safer for rapists, paedophiles, murderers, violent psychos and criminals.
As for the victims of crime — fuck them, says Labour.
