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The Second “Spanish Inquisition” Will Burn and Flail British Tourists

BENIDORM - Spain - The bars are empty in the usual holiday spots, as the second Spanish Inquisition against British tourists commences.

In Spain, if you ask a local what they think of British tourists, they will do a long hock in their throat then spit a huge greeny on to the ground. The first Spanish Inquisition was pretty awful, and in that grand Spanish tradition, the second Spanish Inquisition will be just as bad.

“If we believe you are hiding that you are a British tourist, we will first roast your feet over a fire, then put you head first into a boiling pot of oil. If you then refuse to reveal you are a British tourist, then we will hang you by your genitals, even then if you refuse, well, we will then take away your beach towel, your beer money and put large rocks in your luggage, so the package tour airline charges you with vast excess weight charges. Many confess after that stage, and we kick them back to Britain,” Pepe Gonzalez, a Spanish Inquisitor, revealed to the Benidorm Herald newspaper.

Váyanse, cerdos Británicos

British tourists it seems are a pariah in most parts of the world, but none more so than Spain.

The second Spanish Inquisition is going so well that many hotels and bars in all the holiday hotspots are now empty, and the locals and Spanish government are not receiving any valuable revenue from the British tourists any more.

“We are happy. Last year our bar was making 75,000 euros per month, and this year, we are making 50 euros a month if we are lucky. Some commentators say the Spaniards have shot themselves in their foot, and as I weep into my monthly account statement, I have to agree,” Pedro Dago, a Benidorm bar owner said as bailiffs were breaking into his office to seize anything they could.

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