17.7 C
London
Tuesday, April 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldThis Daily Squib Plan Would Empty the UK in a Month

This Daily Squib Plan Would Empty the UK in a Month

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib proudly presents a plan that would empty the UK of migrants in less than a month.

Worried about the mass unfettered migration? Can’t get an appointment with a GP? Can’t go more than 10 MPH on the overcrowded roads? The Daily Squib presents a plan that would solve the UK’s overcrowding problem in a jiffy.

Let’s face it, the cities and towns of the tiny British Isles are now so overcrowded with legal and illegal migrants that the entire system of government is crumbling. The NHS cannot cope; the schools are overcrowded, the roads are parking lots and English is now a dying language.

Well, never fear, the Daily Squib has a cunning plan that would not only stop the fucking rubber dinghies crossing the Channel daily, but all of the migrants would leave the UK for good in less than a month.

You may ask yourself what sort of dastardly plan is this, and is it even possible? Well, our plan is not only safe, legal and kosher, but it will weed out the wheat from the chaff. You see not all migrants are a detriment to the UK, there will be some who will stay and be of actual use to the country even after our plan is implemented — but they will be very few in number.

Let’s cut to the chase. Our plan is very simple and can be implemented in less than a month, ensuring a huge exodus of millions of unwanted people from the overcrowded shores of Britain. It’s quite simple — bring in a compulsory military draft for every man and woman.

Default_A_chaotic_scene_unfolds_as_masses_of_hysterical_migran_0
Illegal and legal economic migrants trying to leave the UK at an airport

The airports and ports would be overcrowded within hours as millions of economic migrants make their escape. The Channel would be full of little dinghies overcrowded with illegal migrants doing a bit of reverse osmosis paddling back to France, where they will be greeted by a baffled French Navy who would urge them to go back to the UK, but it would be too late.

Within hours of the announcement, NHS hospital appointments delayed for over 2 years would be suddenly available. GPs would suddenly be able to see you. Hospital wards would have empty beds for the first time since the 1950s. Benefits offices would be nearly empty, as the prams full of kids pushed by Eastern Europeans and Sub Saharans disappear.  School class sizes would suddenly drop to normal teachable levels. The roads would empty, reducing pollution. You would be able to walk down the street without being stabbed or robbed because the gangs would leave as well. Crucial funds for Britain’s services would suddenly be available. The prisons would empty. You may even start to hear English being spoken on public transport and the streets. The Labour Party would lose 80% of their voters overnight. Sadiq Khan would be one of the first people to leave, which would bring back London as the true capital city of Britain.

These would be some of the benefits for the UK, as there are too many to list here. This is a bona fide plan that would work. The key thing is, does anyone have the balls to implement such a plan, as simple as it is it would be bloody effective?

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

7 COMMENTS

  1. I think this is a brilliant plan and I am not sure why the UK Gov. does not implement it in full. Let’s face it it would kill two brirds with one stone i.e. immigration problem and army recruitment. The UK definitely needs something like this right now and I would support it 110%. In fact, when I was in the pub the other day I asked my fellow drinkers if they thought it was a good idea and they were whooping it up a storm. They loved it so much they started singing a song about it. Can’t repeat what they sang about Rishi Sunak here though lololol.

  2. They would go from a 4 star hotel to an army barracks. I’d say that’s a substantial comedown.

  3. Congrats to the boffins in the Daily Squib for solving the mass migration problem with one solution. All we need now is a full-scale war where millions of people die. Well done Daily Squib ijjuts.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »