Alex Jones Wishing You a Prepper Christmas

TEXAS - USA - Deep in the Infowars Infoward bunker, chief info warrior, Alex Jones has broadcast a pre-Christmas announcement to all his followers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are nearing the end of America and the world. This is what we have been waiting for for so god damn long. I need you all to go through the check list for survival. Ammo, more ammo, lots more ammo and of course a little de-ionised water. Plus just for $49.95 you can have a tiny bottle of peace of mind and the knowledge that you will be safe from Beelzebub, or other Illuminati gods. Don’t forget to buy a box of my new Infoward Pneumatic Impulse serum, and I’ll throw in a fly swatter to keep out the DARPA robotic poison injecting devil flies from your bunker,” Alex Jones broadcast yesterday.

Here’s that checklist again:

1) Dose of fear

2) More fear and a bucket of NSA Go Away juice.

3) Shitloads of ammo

4) Anti-Illuminati serum

5) More f*cking fear

6) Aaargh!