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Old Farter: Biden’s Private Gaseous Fury

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Joe Biden is said to show his fury at White House staffers with angry smelly farts quelling any dissent in the ranks.

It’s not just the former Duchess of Cornwall, Camilla, who has felt and smelled the gaseous wrath of Joe Biden, apparently his aides tremble with fear every time they are summoned to a meeting alone with the old coot.

In public, Joe Biden likes to fart to make a point. In private, he’s prone to farting with faecal anger.

Behind closed doors, Biden has such a quick-trigger loose anal outburst that some aides try to avoid meeting alone with him. Some take a colleague, almost as a shield against a solo blast that may induce immediate vomiting.

The president’s admonitions include: “God dammit, how the fuck don’t you know this?! *Pra-a-a-a-a-a-a-p!*,” “Don’t fucking bullshit me! *Pz-z-z-z-z-z-t!*” and “Get the fuck out of here! *Spla-a-a-a-a-a-t!*” — according to current and former Biden aides who have witnessed and been on the receiving end of such gassy outbursts.

Why it matters: The private eruptions from the Big Guy’s ass paint a more complicated picture of Biden as an imposter than his carefully cultivated image as a creepy uncle who loves Aviator sunglasses, underage girls and ice cream.

Some Biden aides think the creep would be better off getting a permanent plug in his asshole to prevent public and private assaults on the nasal and Tympanic palate.

“Sometimes he farts with such violence he literally shits himself, but he is so clueless he walks around grinding the dripping faeces into the White House carpet as it seeps out the bottom of his trousers. Then he slams himself into a chair and the squishing noise along with the smell is sickening, Janine Kaminski, one of his special aides vomited onto a portrait of George W Bush when Biden farted directly in her open mouth whilst sitting on the couch. At first, she looked like she was coping with it, but the smell of his fart wafted right into her open mouth, and she started to convulse, her eyes turned upwards just showing the whites, and we heard her lunch coming up her gullet,” Gene Van Zant, another retired (sacked) aide revealed.

Senior and lower-level aides alike can be in Biden’s line of fire. “No one is safe,” said one administration official.

Biden aides still talk about how angry he got at Jeff Zits, then the administration’s “Transgender czar,” in late 2021 when there was a shortage of transgender castration and cock ring kits delivered to primary schools.

A spokesperson for Zits told CNN: “I’m not going to speak to what internal convos may or may not have happened between Jeff and the Big Guy.”

The White House declined to comment.

“There’s no question that the Biden fart release is for real. It may not be as volcanic as Krakatoa, but it’s definitely there,” said Chris Ripper, author of “The Fart of His Life: Inside Joe Biden’s White House.”

Ripper’s book quotes former White House press secretary Jen Paki as saying: “I said to [Biden] multiple times, ‘I’ll know we have a really good, trusting relationship when you fart at me the first time.'”

Ripper notes: “Paki wouldn’t have to wait long.”

In January 2022, he was caught on a hot mic farting in the general direction of a Fox News reporter.

Ross Mandingo, chief Fox News correspondent, was found unconscious at the White House press meeting, and soon after the incident took a permanent leave of absence due to Post Fart Traumatic Disorder (PFTD).

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