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2013 Daily Squib Article Advised Government to Put Illegal Migrants On Offshore Barges

LONDON - England - A prescient 2013 Daily Squib article laid out plans for housing migrants offshore in ships, something the UK government is implementing today.

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Eh, we don’t like to toot our own horn all the time, but we are the only ones who know what we write, or have written in the past. No one else gives a flying sideways fuck, apart from us, that is …

In 2013, we wrote this article: https://www.dailysquib.co.uk/world/3843-daily-squib-ten-step-plan-for-uk-economic-recovery.html

It was our 10-step guide to economic recovery, some of it tongue in cheek, some of it serious.

Look at number 5, and you will see Rishi Sunak’s ‘£50/day offshore ship plan‘ right there in plain writing.

Imagine the amount of billions of pounds the government could have saved if they had implemented the Daily Squib’s economic advice in 2013?

We asked our resident economic expert Professor Lewis Handlebarr, to give his solution to Britain’s economic malaise. He came up with a 10 point plan in less than five minutes. Please do tell us what you think of his suggestions.

Ten Simple Economic Points to Make Britain Great Once More

1) Dump all long-term benefits holders except for the severely disabled. Benefits should only be paid for 6 months, then cut off for life. This will also solve the benefit tourism problem.

2) Reduce VAT to 12% from the current stifling 20%. This will invigorate business and commerce to extreme levels and actually increase tax receipts for the government as people spend more.

3) Reduce taxation on fuel by 75%. Britain will get moving again.

4) Reduce the size of the NHS to a bare minimum and ban any foreigners from using it. Ban drunks and drug users from the NHS. Sack 90% of the NHS managers and recruit more nurses paying them proper wages.

5) Only allow UK immigration to people with jobs and income of over £35,000. Dump all foreign aid saving billions. Airlift all illegal immigrants, foreign criminals and benefit tourists out of the UK immediately and build offshore holding ships to house them before forced deportation.

6) Stop all housing benefit and do not encourage people who cannot afford children to breed. Pay people on benefits not to breed.

7) Reduce corporation tax, income tax, council tax, capital gains tax, and all the other taxes.

8) Get out of the EU. The rest of the world is out of the EU and they’re doing fine.

9) Reduce the BBC to the World Service and limited TV scheduling. Sack all the useless parasitic BBC managers and overpaid jackals ripping off the taxpayer. Reduce the BBC TV tax to £15/annum for everyone.

10) Bring manufacturing home, and start building, pay decent wages, and create jobs to make Britain Great once more.

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  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

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THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

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