17.7 C
London
Thursday, October 3, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldHow to Get Around Soaring UK Food Inflation

How to Get Around Soaring UK Food Inflation

LONDON - England - Soaring food inflation in the UK will lead you and your family to make some hard decisions.

Your mortgage bill is set to rise by another 4% in November; the Council Tax bill will increase by another 30% this year, heating bills are set to skyrocket in April, and food in actual terms has risen by over 75%. There’s no need to worry though, there is a very simple solution to the cost of living crisis puking vomit down your throat.

Yes, there is a very simple solution to the food crisis, where even a loaf of bread is too expensive to buy.

The water diet is a very fulfilling culinary delight. You can even boil water or steam it, but it is best consumed cold.

Nutritionist, Manuel Cordoba reveals the wonders of water.

“If you can’t afford food — drink water. Drinking water will fill your belly, so you will not think of food when you see it everywhere on the telly or when you are walking outside.”

Water is relatively cheap, but make sure you do not consume too much or your water rates bill will flop through your door, and you will get a sort of nasty-ish surprise.

How long can you just drink water for? Well, seeing as your pension is now worthless, and your retirement just went out the door, consuming only water is a delightful solution to your problems. You can drink water for as long as your body has energy before it withers away and dies.

What if I have a large family, how will I feed them? Simple really, you have a choice, pay off the rent/mortgage/council tax/utility bills/motoring costs and keep a roof over your head whilst you all drink water, or buy food and lose the roof over your head and freeze to death in the unforgiving streets. It’s your choice at the end of the day.

So come on then get some H2O in yah…

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!