Detective Inspector Grant Bacon of the Metropolitan Police revealed the details of the Twitter troll swoop this evening.
“The Met e-crimes unit was directed to Waterloo Bridge utilising sophisticated computer equipment and satellite navigation devices costing millions of pounds paid for by the UK taxpayer. We then proceeded to arrest the offending Twitter trolls as they continued to broadcast offensive tweets to distressed women in the Twitterverse. The aforementioned trolls were then subsequently removed from under the bridge and taken to Belmarsh prison to be held at her Majesty’s pleasure. If we find any more Twitter offenders, we will locate you under the bridges where you congregate and prosecute you for causing Twitter distress.”
According to the police report, a huddle of Twitter trolls were under the bridge at the time of the arrest all trying to troll female journalists with vile trolling messages. Some, even after being handcuffed, were still trying to troll using their smartphones, such was their trolling vigour.
An ex-Twitter troller explained to the BBC how they operate: “We all find a bridge and once under a bridge, we have to troll. The bridge can be anywhere, I’ve heard even as far as Aberystwyth. If we see the rozzers, it don’t matter, we just carry on trolling and trolling and trolling. I’ve stopped now after extensive therapy, but I still dream of it. Aaaargh! AAAaargh! I’m feeling a trolling relapse. Got to fight it. That fu**ing bitch. Pound note? Fifty pound note!!”