EU CYPRUS CRISIS: British Expats Urged Not to Take Their Money Out of Spain

MADRID - Spain - British expats were urged to not take their money out of the next country that contagion from Cyprus will go to.

“We urge you all to keep your money in Spanish banks because it is about as safe as a choir boy bending over in a Catholic church vestry. Please do not worry, when the banks open on Tuesday in Cyprus, everyone will keep their money in there and it won’t all be taken out in a massive frenzy,” Robert Tarreton, a Home Office spokesman in Spain told the BBC World Service.

There is no threat of contagion or panic! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! Get out NOW!!!! PANIC!!

Eurocrats were quick to assure depositors that they would not do the same thing in Spain as they did in Cyprus with a forced levy.

“We have your best interests at heart. We care about you and your money. Hmm, there must be a lot more money in Spain than Cyprus. Hmmm, I wonder if we could do the same thing as Cyprus. What can you do about it? Nada, nothing. Nah, don’t worry we would never take 40% of your life savings, he,he,he,he!” an unnamed unelected eurocrat revealed on Saturday.

So please keep your money in Spanish banks, there is nothing to worry about, AAAaaargh! There is no need to panic and get your cash out as soon as possible while you still have a chance! You don’t need to transfer it back to the UK pronto! Do not PANIC!!! There is nothing to worry about before the massive capital flight starts from EU banks soon.