Desert Rats Told to Take Bicycles into Battle or Better Still Walk

EL ALAMEIN - Egypt - The Ministry of Defence cuts mean that the famous tank division from WW2 fame now has to walk or bicycle into battle.

“We’ve taken away their tanks. They can bloody well walk into battle from now on,” a senior MoD policy chief told the Daily Telegraph.

Thanks to David Cameron’s sweeping budget cuts the 7th Armoured Brigade will from now on be called the 7th Bicycle Brigade.

Major Kirk Turner, a veteran of the Gulf war said: “I expect Rommel must be laughing in his grave to see our armoured division sent to the scrap yard. On the flip side, this taking away tanks malarkey could get the brigade fit again. All those hours sitting safely in tanks was getting our troops lazy and unfit.”

It’s not only the tank brigade that has lost its equipment; there is also news that the Royal Air Force cuts put into force this week mean that thousands of fighter planes have been sold off as scrap metal thus grounding over 98% of pilots.