17.7 C
London
Friday, May 24, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldPolice to Advise People What to Say in Phone Calls, Emails, Texts...

Police to Advise People What to Say in Phone Calls, Emails, Texts and Social Networks

LONDON - England - New police powers to advise what people should say in phone calls, texts, e-mails and social networking messages could be implemented as early as next week, the head of Scotland Yard said in a press conference today.

The Metropolitan Police Commissioner has outlined the police’s role in advising what the public should say or think in private phone calls, texts, emails and social networks.

Everyone’s Guilty Now

“You may be surfing the internet, and you will see a message pop up advising you to click on another link instead of the one you were about to click, or you could be talking to a friend, and a voice will suddenly come on telling you how to respond to your friend’s question. These are just some of the little additions to enhance your lives and also to protect you from harm. That’s why we’re doing this, and you, as the taxpayer, will also be ordered to pay £1.9 billion for the privilege of being spied on,” Police Commissioner, Brent Daly, said today at a conference near parliament.

The proposal to give further powers to spy on websites, e-mails and texts, which could cost hundreds of millions of pounds a year, have been dubbed a “snooper’s charter”.

Anything You Do Say May, and Will, Be Given in Evidence

Every aspect of the public’s lives will be analysed and recorded with state of the art computerised systems.

“We’ve already got masses of information about you all already, and this is merely the next step, where we’ll advise you on how to live your lives and act. Your thoughts will be monitored at all times, and remember if you disobey our orders, you could get a little knock on the door one night and never see your home or family again,” the laughing Police Commissioner added, just before being driven away from the conference hall in Westminster.

The UK has the most CCTV surveillance and listening devices per capita in the world.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »