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All British Police to Finally Be Armed

LONDON - England - Police officers across the UK will all be routinely armed with firearms, a new white paper announced, Tuesday.

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The British police have been putting their lives at risk for too long, and thankfully this is all about to change as all police officers will finally be allowed to carry firearms, and join their colleagues from every other country in the world.

The amount and level of crime has increased to such a level, that it was ridiculous to suppose that police officers would attend crimes in progress armed with nothing other than a puny truncheon and a pair of handcuffs.

“Criminals these days carry an assortment of weapons from machetes to AK-47s. You would get a policeman arriving at a crime scene, and he would be faced with thugs running at him armed to the teeth while he gets his little truncheon out and is tasked in taking down these criminals. If the policeman gets away alive or is not seriously injured, then it’s a miracle,” Superintendent DCI Kevin Plodder, told the BBC.

The new government white paper outlining the arming of every policeman in Britain will be published in full next week. There will also be a 60,000 increase in officers by 2020, and a budget increase of 75%. Routine stop and search will be conducted in areas where crime is prevalent.

“A policeman or woman has a right to defend themselves from heavily armed criminals. This is why our police will now be trained and armed in firearms,” a member of the policy team announced on Tuesday.

What kind of firearms will the police now be trained and armed with?

Each squad car will be equipped with an assortment of weapons including pump action shotguns, automatic weapons and tasers. All police will routinely be equipped with handguns and tasers whilst on patrol.

“The level of crime is at such a level at the moment that our rules of engagement will be upgraded to shoot to kill. Our officers will also be protected from prosecution and most cases will be accepted by the courts as just proportionate action,” police spokesman, Andy Grenville, added.

Recent polling has shown that arming all police officers in Britain has received a positive response with 85% approval rating.

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