17.7 C
London
Wednesday, February 28, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorld5 Ways For Journalists to Survive Visiting a Saudi Consulate

5 Ways For Journalists to Survive Visiting a Saudi Consulate

ISTANBUL - Turkey - Visiting a Saudi Arabian consulate anywhere in the world can be a deadly affair, especially in Turkey where journalists are hunted down and imprisoned on a daily basis.

buy squib book

The sad demise of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi when he entered the Saudi consulate in Istanbul has prompted many journos to come up with some innovative ways to avoid certain death when entering a Saudi consulate.

  1. Only ever enter a Saudi consulate with a full camera crew. At least this way, if a hit squad member takes out a bone saw and tries to chop off your leg, there will be a crew of five or so press people to either deter the attacker by filming or fight him off.
  2. Alternatively, dump the camera crew mentioned earlier, and opt for a full squad of mercenaries armed to the teeth. If you are then greeted by a grinning Saudi with a bone saw and injection, just click your fingers and duck. After the shooting stops, simply fill in the necessary forms you came to fill, and leave.
  3. Enter the Saudi consulate wearing a full set of Medieval armour. This way, if a Saudi hit squad member tries to dismember you he will be shit out of luck. Don’t forget to bring a broadsword with you to defend yourself with.
  4. Hire a tank for the day. When outside, shoot a few volleys into the front of the consulate, or simply drive through to the office where you have to fill in the forms. If you are applying for a Visa, don’t forget to present your passport and additional ID through the tank’s hatch.
  5. Lastly, possibly the simplest of solutions. Never deal with Saudi journalistic ventures, and if you are a Saudi national, never write anything critical of the brutal regime.

This year alone 44 journalists have been killed worldwide. From 1992 – 2018, 1323 journalists have been killed and 262 journalists imprisoned in 2017, mostly in Turkey.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »