Rioters Awarded ASBOs and Praised For Excellent Rioting Skills

LONDON - England - The capital's rioters were all awarded ASBO trophies and had their benefits increased yesterday by makeshift courts. They were further praised for their courage for rioting under adverse conditions.

“The boys and girls continued to riot even during adverse conditions with fires burning and police men standing around. They are brave and this is why we have awarded them ASBOs as well as community service trips to Alton Towers,” Judge Letof Dacriminel, told Sky news.

The courts were full all night processing the many cases after the riots had ended.

Councillor Judith Socilistie, told the BBC: “I praise the judges who have awarded these teenagers with Anti Social Order trophies because it will be a badge of honour for them, something they can put on their mantlepiece and show to all of their friends. It is also good news that these disadvantaged souls will also have all their benefits increased by large amounts. The message here is, it is good to riot, please do it again.”

David Cameron’s socialist coalition government were praising the courts yesterday on the swift action taken dealing with the assorted thugs, criminals, chavs, scallies and hooded arseholes.

“I particularly praise the courts who came down soft on these poor downtrodden boys and girls with hard hitting useless words on pieces of court paper. One boy I saw got a day’s community service order, a Kenyan safari trip, two trips to Disney World Paris and an increase in benefits of 40%. That boy must be crying into his stolen Burberry scarf right now I tell you,” a proud looking David Cameron told the House of Commons yesterday.