New Guidelines on How to Cope With Bullying in Downing Street Released

LONDON - England - The government is to produce some helpful leaflets for staff at Number10 giving tips on how to cope with bullying from Gordon Brown, a Whitehall spokesman said today.

Every day thousands of Number10 staffers wake up afraid to go to Downing Street to put up with another day of physical and verbal abuse from the unelected PM, Gordon Brown.

“Bullying is a problem that affects many who work around the great ‘clunking fist’ of comrade Brown and must be stamped out”, a leading cabinet officer told the Guardian newspaper yesterday.

“Many bullies share some common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They often have poor social skills and poor social judgment. They have no feelings of empathy or caring toward other people.

“Although most bullies think they’re the best and have the right to push people around, others are actually insecure. They put other people down to make themselves feel more interesting or powerful. And some bullies act the way they do because they’ve been hurt by bullies in the past — maybe even a bullying figure in their own family, like a parent or other adult.

“Bullies like Gordon Brown have personality disorders that don’t allow them to understand normal social emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse. These people need help from a mental health professional like a psychiatrist or psychologist,” Jan Newbury, an anti-bullying worker from the recently shut-down National Anti-Bullying Helpline disclosed.

Leaflets are currently being printed in an effort to curb the bullying by Gordon Brown and his key henchman, Ed Balls, and should be distributed to staff who work in the proximity of the unelected prime monster by next week.