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Brown Plans on Making it Illegal to be Middle Class

LONDON - England - Gordon Brown today pledged a Labour election promise that would make being Middle Class illegal in Britain, the Equalities Chairperson told a Commons Equality Committee.

“We do not want aspiration. We do not want people to be rewarded for hard work. Labour’s pledge is that everyone should be equal in poverty and suffering. A Britain united in the quagmire of debt created by my government of cronyism and corruption. A nation addicted to welfare and benefits. A Chav Britain dedicated to the mantle of Labour’s equality drive. We’re all Chavs now comrades. Embrace it, and discard any toff Upper Middle Class aspirations. It is all gone now. We have taken your wealth and your class will be next,” Mr Brown told a BBC news crew today.

The Equalities Chairperson, Harriet Harperson, was today rallying her troops for a final push before the new laws come into effect on January 1st 2010.

Speaking from her constituency, Ms Harperson outlined the details of the New Equality Deal: “This is the new deal. Reading the Daily Mail will be made illegal, as well as studying at private school or uni, skiing trips, educated people,  or those who wear f*cking glasses. The Lower Middle Class Mondeo man will be outlawed and he will be relegated to waiting at the bus stop. Middle England people will thus be banished to the lower strata of the Nu-Labour Chav class — the untermesch. Marriage and family units will be outlawed and binge drinking, violent assault, benefits and burglary will be embraced. We will no longer have these outdated models of class. It is our pledge to remove all inequality in Britain today. I have also arranged an executive order that all Grand Prix drivers be female from now on and that all men be ordered to have watermelons shoved up their arseholes so they can know what it’s like to be a woman and give birth. By decree of the Labour initiative for equality, we also pledge that all toffs and Bullingdon club members be stripped of their special upper class privileges and consigned to the dustbin of history.”

Equality training and education will also be conducted from the age of three for every person in England and Wales from January 1st 2009.

Mr Brown said that there may be some who object to the special equality training and there are preparations to deal with that eventuality.

“We’re building more prisons and re-education camps so that these people who reject Equality Training can be suitably integrated after their 42 year sentences into the Fabianistic Chav Society, where everyone will be the same in low education, stupidity, and poverty.”

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