After the Coup Attempt Erdogan Reshuffles Turkish Government

ANKARA - Istanbul - Recep Tayyip Erdogan, after the coup attempt, has reshuffled his parliament and government to best ensure his reign for a very, very long time.




Incoming Finance Minister, Erdo Grab will ensure there will be no more corruption in the Turkish government by ensuring all tax receipts go to Erdogan’s Swiss bank account in Lake Lugano.

Army Minister, Erdo Gunner, will ensure any further coup attempt by secularists will be met with extreme prejudice and death sentences for everyone. No change.

Transport Minister, Erdo Go, wants to get Turkey moving once again, and is even planning a special lane on all highways in Turkey for the Erdogans. If anyone else is caught in the lane, they will be shot on sight.

Pensions¬†Minister, Erdo Gran, will ensure that all old people in Turkey relinquish their pensions to the Erdogan clan and are given swift burials if they don’t agree.

Ultilities Minister, Erdo Gasket, will ensure that Turkey’s plumbing system functions well, and all water supplies lead to Erdogan’s palaces where the swimming pool can be topped up at all times.

Media Minister, Erdo Grind, will ensure that all news and media in Turkey praises the president at all times without any sort of dissension or free speech.

Minister of Happiness, Erdo Grim, will ensure that all Turks in the country are always happy to be ruled in an undemocratic dictatorship stasi Big Brother fuck hole or they will be shot.