Al Qaeda: Only Terminally Ill Terrorists Need Apply

HELMAND - Afghanistan - Islamic terrorist organisations are now only recruiting terminally ill jihadists to blow up Western aeroplanes say CIA agents.

The word on the
street is that terrorist organisations are now only recruiting
terminally ill terrorists to carry out their dirty deeds.

our operators carry out their heroic deeds like blowing up passenger
planes full of Americans we know they will be treated leniently
especially if they are caught by the British authorities. We know that
they will simply be let off to come home and receive a hero’s welcome.
We must be careful not to be caught by the Americans however, because
we have heard that they do not take kindly to terrorists, but Scotland
and England no problem,” an Al Qaeda commander revealed to Al Jazeera
news service.

Thanks to the
British government’s complacent and lenient nature with regards to
terrorists worldwide, they now have a free Get Out of Jail card.

“It does not
matter how terrible the atrocities committed by the terrorists are, we
will release them on compassionate grounds so that they can revel in their notoriety and rejoice
amongst their fellow terrorists when they are released back to their
homelands,” Scottish parliamentarian, Kenny MacGrahi announced at
Holyrood today.

Looks like it’s a win win situation for the world’s terrorists thanks to British law and underhand oil deals in dodgy Middle Eastern countries.