Every person in the whole of the United Kingdom gained an A grade in all A-Level and GCSE exams this year under the celebrated Labour education initiative spearheaded by Schools Minister Ed Bollocks.
“This is a sure sign that under the Labour government everyone is equal and supremely educated. Nu-Labour came to power in 1997 and since then we have succeeded in our motto of ‘Education, Education, Education’,” Schools minister, Ed Bollocks remarked after the A-level results were released last week.
“Everyon’es weely clevah now, innit?”
The fact that many of today’s graduates do not possess even the most basic standards of education and have been ‘dumbed down’ to such a level that there is little or no hope that they will ever be useful to any employer when they leave university is neither here nor there. There are simply not enough jobs to go around anyway.
“I did my coursework and if I got it wrong the teacher tells me what to change. I then submit it and it gets an A grade. That’s how I got A grades in everything. It’s really that easy and multiple choice questions are a breeze too innit?” Fred Gavinbourne, 18, from Wensleydale College told the Times.
Under Labour’s education initiative, everyone who even signs up to take a GCSE or A-level will automatically get an A grade because this will ensure equality for all students in the UK. This government sponsored initiative is said to encourage school and university attendance as well as encourage more pupils to read and write.
“I didn’t even turn up for two of my exams but I got A’s. My mate Jimmy can only write in text language so he got an A in English Lit. and German as well as History and Economics. It’s that f*cking easy it is and all,” Harry Davis, 16, an inmate at Feltham Youth Rehabilitation Unit told the Squib.