17.7 C
London
Wednesday, February 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldUniversities to Teach Degrees in 'Unemployment Studies'

Universities to Teach Degrees in ‘Unemployment Studies’

NEWCASTLE - England - Universities will be forced to give compulsory courses to all students in unemployment studies says the chief Labour education Tsar, Timmy Mallet.

buy squib book

It’s another A-level exam season and hundreds of thousands of new A grade students are applying to the same universities. Since Labour came into power, exams are so dumbed down that if a student can’t get an A grade then they must be really stupid.

“It’s the same thing every year, you get the universities taking in people who can’t even read or write then spitting these people out in three years time with huge debts and they still can’t read or write. They will still get A’s and degrees though because they give these qualifications away like smarties these days. All of 98% of these people will be unemployed and basically unemployable when the leave university,” John Profiterole, senior lecturer at Munters College of High Education in Harrogate explains.

Labour education officials have now found a way around the problem. Teach ‘Unemployment Studies’ as a structured three year course where students can learn about what they can do when they hit the dole offices; what Benefits they are entitled to and even how they can milk the system even further.

A recent graduate at Cambridge, who is now unemployed, had this to say about the whole system: “There’s no point in working in Labour’s Benefit created culture anyway. If you work, most of the meagre amount you make will be taxed plus you won’t get all the Benefits. If you’re unemployed, they give you money, a house, a car and you won’t have to pay any council tax or tax of any kind for that matter. The Labour regime also punishes any couples who marry, therefore it is in your best interests to be a single parent with about 5 or 6 children. You can then expect to be claiming over £3000 per week in Benefits and don’t forget, if you add on Incapacity Benefit you will be really raking it in, just say you’ve got a bad back and carry a stick around with you. No one ever checks. You won’t have to work for the rest of your life, just sit in front of your 47 inch widescreen TV and crack open another alcopop whilst watching the Jeremy Kyle Show. I got a first class degree in Unemployment studies at Cambridge. I got my degree in Unemployment in the morning and was in the dole queue by the afternoon. It was that easy.”

Next year, we will hear the same stories again.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »