17.7 C
Friday, April 12, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldTories Avoiding Election Win

Tories Avoiding Election Win

LONDON - England - According to senior Conservatives, Britain is too far gone to even bother winning an election.

“What Labour has done to this country is beyond anything we have ever imagined. They have saddled successive future generations with so much debt that they have in effect bankrupted every Briton 10 times over. We thought we could recover something but not anymore. That’s why Labour will win the next election again and we’re doing our damned best to make everyone vote for them because we don’t want the job anymore,” Tory backbencher, Harvey Fetherington told the Daily Squib.

The mixed messages and garbled announcements about taxation by David Cameron and Kenneth Clarke are clearly designed to put voters off voting for the Conservatives ever again.

There is a general consensus within Tory head office that there is no point in even trying anymore because the country has already gone to the dogs.

“Cameron wants to tax the rich out of existence to try and pay for Gordon Brown’s mess but this will simply serve as a deterrent for any enterprise in the UK. There’s no point in doing business here if there is no incentive. With Gordon Brown at the helm of Labour the Tories were guaranteed a win at the next election but it seems head office does not want it anymore. As for the elder statesman, Kenneth Clarke, well he’s now talking about putting the inheritance tax cut promises on hold. I can see votes flying out of the window with every utterance,” Mr Fetherington added.

It seems that Gordon Brown will finally win an election when he will be voted in by voters who have no choice but to vote for him.

Britain has never got so close to a one-party system and under the Labour regime, Sovietization, is the key goal anyway.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


  1. We should all vote for Gordon Brown and go and work for the public sector – then all our jobs will be safe!
    Oh; and we will all get index linked pensions for life with early retirement.

    Why wouldn’t we vote for Labour?

    (and we get to watch porn on expenses)

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »