Harry to go to War

Prince Harry, who has been stopped from going to war in Iraq by the Ministry of Defence, has been thrown a life line. The Royal Palace has created a miniature battlefield in the grounds of Sandringham.

General Sir Richard Dannatt said the prince’s deployment to Iraq would pose a threat to Harry because it is a warzone.

The announcement, which represents a U-turn on an earlier decision, was made amid reports militant groups in Iraq planned to kill or kidnap the prince.

Clarence House said Prince Harry was “bloody disappointed” but would not be leaving the Army as a result.

‘Bloody disappointed’

Last month the Ministry of Defence had said the prince would be heading to Iraq as an armoured reconnaissance officer in the Blues and Royals regiment.

But on Wednesday, the general said he had reached his decision following a visit to the region at the end of last week.

He can play war games in the Sandringham back garden.
General Sir Richard Dannatt


“There have been a number of specific threats, some reported some not reported, which relate directly to targeting a ginger haired drunkard royal twat.

“These threats expose a degree of risk that I now deem unacceptable. Only lower castes should be in a theatre of war risking their lives for Queen and country.”

>General Dannatt said he knew Prince Harry would be extremely disappointed and that his soldiers would miss his presence in Iraq but he had a wonderful solution to the problem.


“Wonderful Solution”

He said the prince had proved himself as an officer of “determination and undoubted talent – and I do not say that lightly”.

The army chief has concocted a plan of making the Royal Sandringham Estate in Norfolk a makeshift battlefield for ‘lil’ Prince Harry to play in instead.

The Squib’s defence correspondent Roger Whittington Smythe said there had been preparations for a battlefield in the Sandringham grounds “away from the public eye,” he will be able to drive a modified scimitar tank resplendent with a drinks cabinet and fire live ammo at sheep.

Prince Charles has voiced his opinion and has given full support to the General. There will be a team of servants who will also dress as Iraqis and will be armed with water bombs.

Sky news network as well as ITV have all put in bids for the television rights to show the occasion of the Prince prancing around a field shooting anything that moves. The Palace and MOD however have not capitulated to the offers of enormous sums of money.

‘Extreme prejudice’

A Clarence House statement said: “Prince Harry is very disappointed that he will not be able to go to Iraq with his troop on this deployment as he had hoped but his disappointment has been sufficiently sated by the offer of creating a mini battlefield in the estate at Sandringham.”

“He fully understands and accepts General Dannatt’s difficult decision and remains committed to his career as a barfly in Boujis.

“Prince Harry will have a real life battlefield and he is allowed to shoot anything”

Asked if Harry would still be seen at Boujis, a spokesman replied: “Absolutely.”

Former British army commander Colonel Robert Trumpington told ‘The Squib’ the decision to make a fake battlefield in the grounds of Sandringham was a “..super idea by jove.”


Disappointed that they will not show it on ITV or Sky.
Gavin, Chester


He said: “The chief of the general staff has made a wonderful decision to hone the Prince’s warrior instincts; I know that, he’s a personal drinking pal and I know exactly the way he’s feeling.” The Colonel is a known alcoholic and is famous for passing out on parade.


Harry would have been the first British royal to see action since his uncle, Prince Andrew, served as a helicopter pilot during the Falklands conflict in 1982.

A Downing Street spokesman said: “It’s an operational decision taken by the military which we of course respect.”

But Republic, a group which campaigns for an elected head of state, said the decision showed that “the prince should never have joined the Army”.

In a statement it said: “This is a scandalous waste of taxpayer’s money, brought on by the Windsor family’s obsession with
linking themselves to the military.”

The miniature battlefield will cost the British taxpayer £300,000 a day and this is not including the insurance payments for palace staff who will pretend to be Jihadis.

Former Conservative Defence Secretary Michael Portillo also criticised the MoD for “terrible vacillation” over the issue, and Tory MP Desmond Swayne – a former Territorial Army officer in Iraq – said the decision was a victory for Iraqi insurgents.