Tour de France Cycle Carnage: We Reveal Identity of Woman With Sign

SAINT CADOU - France - Our investigative reporters have tracked down the identity of the Tour de France carnage woman.

French police are hunting a female spectator who is on the run and faces up to a year in prison after causing the injuries of 21 riders in one of the worst-ever crashes in the history of the Tour de France, as British cyclist Chris Froome was involved himself in the crash.

The Daily Squib however has conducted extensive research and detective work into the identity of the ‘female’ spectator who caused such a Tour de France cycle fracas.

The spectator was not in fact a woman, but a man cunningly disguised as a woman. We tracked the master of disguise to a farm in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire, England. The farm this person fled to after sneaking away from France is situated in the Cotswolds, and has a rather silly name — Diddly Squat Farm.

When we confronted the farmer at first he denied everything, but was hiding something behind his back. Our investigative reporter quickly deduced the farmer was hiding a silly wig, some fake tits, a bright yellow jacket and cardboard sign.

“Mr. Clarkson! We know how much you detest bicycles and cyclists, as well as the frogs in general. We put it to you in no uncertain terms! It was you, sir, cunningly disguised as a woman who downed those Tour de France cyclists. The evidence is too overwhelming for you to deny the facts we have recovered.”

At that moment, Jeremy Clarkson bolted for his tractor and sped down the muddy farm road at 12 MPH.

If anyone has any more information to the whereabouts of the main suspect in this cycling crime, please report your findings to the Gendarmerie in France.