“I just pulled myself away from watching X Factor and American Idol for five minutes to make a statement about humanity and intelligence on my Facebook page,” the scientist who formulated the new theory about humanity’s decline in intelligence, revealed.
Professor Humphrey Crabniggle, a geneticist at Stanford University in California, claims that humanity has been on a downward spiral for some time.
“It’s like, you know the instructions you see on a carton of milk on how to open it, or the Britney Spears album I just listened to in the car or the dumbed down TV and news I watch. Stupid people can breed these days and they are encouraged to do so by modern governments and the media. It’s great.”
In two and a half articles published in the journal Trends in Stupidity, the scientist lays out what might be called a defining theory in human stupidity.
The central issue of Professor Crabniggle’s thinking is a simple idea: “In the past, if you were stupid, you would die. Because you would get eaten or killed by something. Only clever people could breed and survive or not get eaten by sabre-toothed tigers or mobbed by some other tribe. These days though, stupid people are everywhere and can even breed and survive with impunity. In fact, the governments of today encourage stupidity and want people to be even more fucking stupid than they already are.”
As Crabniggle explains in the journal: “A hunter-gatherer who was not clever enough to figure out anything about food or shelter would die off, whereas a modern person is given rewards for being a stupid fucking moron, they get rewarded with food stamps and benefits or whatever they want from the governments of today. Not only that, their children are also encouraged to be stupid too. I mean, which modern government would want to have a clever population? That’s really dangerous, besides most people in government are even stupider than the regular population.”
Professor Crabniggle however ends on a positive note: “Stupid people are actually good for humanity because if people were clever, they might realise that things aren’t so good and they might try and make things better, or even try to topple governments. So keep surfing your Facebook and watching reality shows and living your stupid lives. Drink up your fucking Kool-Aid, everything is OK, it’s great to be stupid.”