17.7 C
London
Thursday, October 3, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSci/TechApple Computers Creates Apple

Apple Computers Creates Apple

CUPERTINO - USA - Apple Computers Inc. has created an Apple product that has astounded techies across the world -- an apple.

Standing in for Apple’s pioneer and spiritual leader, Steve Jobs, was Joseph McCormack who is now in charge of operations at the Cupertino Apple headquarters.

“It’s edible”

“Our new Apple product is an exact replica of an apple. We have designed the future of electronic devices with an organic computer/phone/i-pod/printer and even lunch. This device will revolutionise lunchboxes everywhere,” McCormack told the audience at the new product launch.

Holding up a red apple which he took out of his pocket he sniffed it then pressed the top to reveal a miniature keyboard. He then did something that made everyone’s jaws drop. He took a bite out of it.

Apple over the years has never ceased to astound and innovate, but edible electronic devices really takes the biscuit.

“Say you’re in a plane crash or stranded on a boat somewhere. Well, with our new product, you can shoot off an email or call to a rescue team and while you’re waiting for them to come, you can eat your Apple device. It’s perfectly safe and our team of Apple genius’ have engineered an Apple computer that actually tastes and smells like a real apple,” McCormack boasted proudly.

A member of the assembled press then asked if they could make bananas and guavas.

“No we’re Apple. We only deal in apples.”

The new Apple devices are already under production and should appear in a few months. The company has to first get the Apple orchard up to speed with the new season for fruiting not yet here, there may be a while to wait. Once the new Apple devices are ripe they are then handpicked by a team of specialist fruit-pickers from Mexico.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!