17.7 C
London
Wednesday, July 24, 2024
secret satire society
HomeHealthExposed: The Food From 'Fat Duck' Restaurant That Poisoned Thousands

Exposed: The Food From ‘Fat Duck’ Restaurant That Poisoned Thousands

BERKSHIRE - England - The Fat Duck restaurant at the centre of a massive food poisoning outbreak has risen to 4,000. We can reveal for the first time the food that may have caused the ebola outbreak.

Bloated celebrity chef, Heston Blumenthal, who has gorged at the trough of many free lunches, is used to getting the tax-payer to foot the bill of his BBC cookery shows advertising his restaurant. Tonight he is rubbing his fat bald head in disgrace.

The Daily Squib can reveal for the first time the food that has poisoned thousands.

Some patrons who visited the Fat Duck are now calling for the ‘Fat F*ck’ Blumenthal to be strung up by his bollocks from a very high tree.

“I paid £350 for a plate of his food. Well I’ve been on the shitter for the best half of a week and my projectile vomiting antics resemble something from Linda Blair’s repertoire. I want a refund!” a furious customer said.

Diners at the Fat Duck – one of only three restaurants in the UK with three Michelin stars – can experience dishes such as deep fried mars bars, snail porridge or snot scrambled eggs and a bacon sarnie ice cream. The most popular dish according to health investigators is egg and chips with a fat greasy gammon steak thrown onto it from a great height and finished off with a dollop of mushy peas marinated in rancid Special Brew.

“This is British gourmet food that we can be proud of. I refute any claims that anyone has been taken ill by our food. It is the best food in Europe at the moment and I would even go as far as saying it is the best in the world,” Mr Blumenthal told the News of the World newspaper.

Health Inspectors have called for the restaurant to be temporarily closed so as to ascertain the cause of the outbreak of ebola.

“Although this case is nothing unusual in the UK we still feel we are obliged to investigate the case further because he’s one of those stuck-up poncey celebrity chefs, otherwise we wouldn’t f*cking bother. The British people usually eat so much crap in their diets daily that this stuff usually goes unnoticed,” Steve Redbridge, a Health Protection Agency worker said.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

1 COMMENT

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!