Is Anger the New Calm?

LONDON - England - Scientists researching a study into modern societal norms have come to the conclusion that anger is the new calm and should therefore be treated as a normal part of living in the modern world.

Speaking from University College London, Professor James Dullingbowl, senior research fellow into the study said: “After ten years of research into the fascinating field of anger and rage we have come to the conclusion that this is the normal behavioural mood state of modern people now. Hundreds of years ago things were a lot calmer but now everyone’s so fucking angry and bothered. This morning, I said good day to a gentle looking old lady and she hit me over the head with an umbrella. Try smiling at someone in the underground or greet someone in the street. You’ll be lucky to only get one kidney stabbed.”

The Anger/Rage study used over 25,000 subjects from all over the UK over a ten year period.

The research found that anger levels in the UK have risen sharply in the last decade and are so high today that all it will take for the whole lot to go up in flames is even more anger inducing bollocks to happen.

So what in the world is making the people so fucking angry?

“Every day life. Living in the UK is like living in a concrete goldfish bowl crammed with thousands of other bloody goldfish. People cite overcrowding, enormous taxation and no hope, pension or ability to buy a home to fucking live in, as the main reasons. You can’t drive on the overcrowded pot hole ridden roads anymore let alone park anywhere, no jobs and it’s all fucking getting to me I can’t take it anymore. This morning I got so angry I punched a hole through my front door. I was so angry at breakfast that I ate the cardboard box as well as the cereal inside. No, not hungry, I was angry,” the professor shouted as a fight broke out in the laboratory.


These new findings are however at odds with the Coalition’s new Happiness Index being touted to all the media at the moment. According to the government, everyone’s really fucking happy.