17.7 C
London
Sunday, April 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentMerry Christmas From the Daily Squib Lapland Theme Park

Merry Christmas From the Daily Squib Lapland Theme Park

OFF JUNCTION 23 OF THE M5 - England - All Daily Squib readers are invited to our version of Lapland. A place where you can smell the booze and fags off Santa's yellow nicotine stained beard or be bitten by one of the starving Rottweilers doubling up as an Alaskan Huskie.

You will be enchanted this Christmas with a visit to see the wonderful Northern Lights (some flashing lights strapped to a tree) or perhaps enjoy the company of Santa’s elves (young offenders from the local job centre wacked out on pills and cheap Aldi wine).

Visitors are encouraged to close their eyes as much as possible whilst at the Lapland theme park; it also helps if you are totally blind.

The entrance to Santa’s grotto is always caked in fresh vomit and half eaten doner kebabs and is found after a fifteen minute walk through a muddy field.

Why not get into a vicious fistfight with one of the burly security men who demand you pay an extra ten pounds to enter a tent claiming to be a bustling Christmas market but in fact houses a dodgy old man selling bricks for twenty quid each from a suitcase.

Every young visitor has the opportunity to see Santa and receive a little present from him — usually a pack of ten Benson or a mini vodka bottle.

Our authentic Alaskan Huskies (Rottweilers) are a dream and can be seen roaming their tiny kennels looking for an opportunity to rip someones f*cking arm off.

The Nativity scene is of course our best feature and you will be enchanted by a piece of painted plywood at the end of another large muddy field.

The entrance fee is only £65 per person. We guarantee that everyone in your family will have an excellent time at our Lapland theme park or your money back (you will never see your money ever again).

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

1 COMMENT

  1. Rottweilers are very nice dogs actually. I have three and they are very calm and mild mannered. We sometimes let them play with our two year old and nothing has ever happened.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »